I am Foxxii Mae, a 30 year old gay man living in Bumblefuck Nowhere who spends his time getting high and creating things for sheer enjoyment. This site is my safe space online, a place where I can freely express myself and my insane lifestyle openly and without fear of people in my real life discovering that I am actively involved in sketchy activities and actively protesting against the establishment. I come from a very traditional family sans extreme Christian oppression. My family is the most amazing family you could ever imagine, and in spite of my many, many, many mistakes and issues they have never once abandoned me. They are the only people besides 1 I know for a fact will never leave my side. The 1 is my best friend, my platonic soulmate, who has gone through a very similar life as I have but managed to find recovery from hard drugs after a near-fatal emergency that landed him in intensive care for over 4 months. He and my family are the only people I truly trust and I love them more than I can ever explain. I will never in a million lifetimes be able to repay them for the amount of love and support they have shown me in life.
I am a drug addict, my drug of choice being crytal meth. It is a disgusting poison that makes you feel better than you ever thought possible. If you are in any way curious in trying it, take it from a person who did and has been in its demonic grips for approximately a decade. You truly do not know the power that such a drug as ice holds, and making the decision to use it will be your biggest regret in your entire life that will very likely wind up causing an early death. There will be future essays on the nature of meth, its addictive potential, the sensation of the high along with that Gods awful crash, and the lifestyle and community surrounding it.
Trust me, you want no part in it. The nature of this drug and its use is foul. The people who are too deep down the rabbit hole will likely never return to normalcy, and the drug turns them into narcisstic, paranoid, irrational psychotics who believe everyone is plotting against them. How fucking arrogant does a person have to be to think everyone is taking the time and energy out of their own lives to put in the effort necessary to fuck with your life. Get the fuck over yourself, you're a lowlife, trailer trash tweaker who succumbed to the demonic effects of ice and were unable to make it out sane on the other end. To believe that everyone around you is so obsessed with making your life miserable takes an extremely self=centered mindset, which is what this drug does to many individuals. It turns the mind in on itself, makes your thoughts attack your thoughts until they are an incoherent, rambling mess of paranoid nonsense. I have no time for "abyss-walkers" who have turned into the worst possible version of themselves because they couldn't use logic and reason to overcome the delusions caused by the drug.
If you have a cognitive distortion, a belief that doesn't align with reality, that there is a group of gang members right outside your door, and you can hear them talking and you can hear their footsteps walking back and forth just outside your door- you can see their shadows dancing under the doorframe---they're gonna JUMP any moment and you will be murdered in cold blood...But then, in a manic burst of courageous self-preservation you jump to your feet, whip open the door with a blunt object or kitchen knife wielded in your hand ready to attack the would-be attackers-- and you find...nothing. No one was there. It was all in your head.
After this happens a dozen times don't you think you'd be able to realize that it's just your mind playing tricks on you? That's what I did, and now I do not experience psychosis such as this. I have not had an episode of paranoia or delusion in a very long time, and it's simply because I was intelligent enough to put 2 and 2 together that if every time I believe this delusion it turns out to be false, than that means everytime I experience it is likely going to be false. This leads to other logical conclusions that reaffirm your sanity, such as what is the likelihood a fucking gang is gonna waste their time jumping you and killing you? What, you think they want your shit? YOU OWN FUCKING NOTHING OF VALUE. Or your fucking hot shit worthy of being a target of a crime whose punishment is life without parole?
GET THE FUCK OVER YOURSELF YOU FUCKING TWEAKER
I am by no means calling these indivuals that succumb to the demonic influences of the drug weak, stupid, or anything of the sort. It may seem that way, but I have dealt with these types for a very long time and my patience is thinner than a ZigZag. But truth be told I hold a large amount of empathy and compassion for these individuals, for they have lost their mind so completely it will never retunr except with a lot of work, potent doses of antipsychotics, and fuck ton of good luck. I wish they all find peace.